Breaking Through To The Other Side (that is, 2021) With Focus And Direction

In a few days very many people across the globe will open their cherished journals and write down their New Year's Resolutions.

You might be scoffing at the name as recently the phrase started to drop out of fashion, when what has really happened is that it has just been rebranded to 'my goals for the next 12 months' or 'my yearly goals'.

One of the reasons is that resolutions/goals are still noteworthy no matter what you call them when the everyday little resolutions and the weekly somewhat bigger goals weave together to create the greater tapestry of conscious intention fortified with focus and direction which lead to a changed life.

Except when they don't work, and there are very many reasons for this:

• we might not be actually committed to the goals we write down (they might be more of a wish or a desire but they might not have formalised as a goal inside us yet)

• we might not really know how to execute them

• we might be hesitating at the first sign of challenge

• we might not really want to put in the work

• we might not even realise how much work might be needed

• we might be missing the wider context

• we might have too many goals and as we start with what we have, we also start to feel overwhelmed and can't tolerate

• or the goals we choose are not really that important for us in the end

• or simply we might not have clarity on what we actually want.

This applies to all goals, including relationship goals.

We might tell ourselves this year we will be spending more time with our partner talking about things that matter, or that we will have more dates, or that we will increase our acts of kindness, or that we will do more things to show our partner we appreciate them, or that we will rekindle our sex life, we will argue less or differently, we will share household chores, we will look after and cherish our mutual bodies more, or we will listen more and assume less, and find quickly that at the first sign of trouble, our goals are out of the window, we start to think it will never happen, we forget we set them as our life's routine starts again, even with the pandemic, or we rationalise ourselves out of them, and we bring ourselves a step closer to questioning our relationship and ask 'is this it?'.

'Isn't there any other option than compromise?'.

Of course there is. Most times there is.

Yet to access that, we need to be willing to give our life and our every day experiences the attention and depth of consideration they deserve.

Is what I am going through what I would actually like to be going through?

Is the way I am going through my situation the way I want to go through it?

Is the way I am experiencing my relationship the way I would like to be experiencing it?

Is the way I am sharing my life with my partner the way I would like to be sharing it?

By taking the notion of resolutions/goals-for-the-next-12-months seriously, and by giving yourself time to really consider what it is that you would like for yourself and your partner this year before you even sit down and actually write your goals, you have much higher chances of achieving what it is you really want for yourself.

By really taking the time to think and to choose consciously and carefully what is actually important to you, enough to focus on in the months ahead, you have higher chances of sticking to it.

Wouldn't it be incredible, if after such a challenging year, you chose to take the one coming in your hands, in your way, and in the way that suits you right now best, without fear or hesitation, and moulded it to your liking?

I think so. I would celebrate that.

If you would like to improve the way you connect with your partner and you are unsure how, I offer a 45mins Complementary Clarity Session to help you get clarity and form a plan of action. To arrange your session, you can email me directly on constantina@thelantern.uk or choose your time from my online calendar by visiting http://TheLantern.as.me/relationships Constantina Constantina Stamou is a certified Life & Relationship Coach, has trained with the Robbins-Madanes coaching school and Strategic Intervention, is an NLP Master Practitioner, and has a PhD in how we change the way we put sentences together as we grow older. Her work experience includes university tutoring, charity research, and entrepreneurship which has so far translated into the TNT Dance Salsa Club in London, her Reformer Pilates Studio at Kensington Olympia, London, and The Lantern. She is also currently volunteering for the mental health charity Mind.