Handling Your Post-Divorce Life
One of my podcast interviews during summer was about life post-divorce, what to expect and how to approach it, so we can lessen some of the divorce burden.
Divorce is something we all want to avoid but did you ever take a moment and consider what your thoughts are about the subject?
In Greek society where I was raised, divorce is (or was when I was there) something you gossip about.
It is something other people go through, definitely not you, and if you are going to discuss it, you are going to use a lowered tone of voice to highlight the societal shame it carries, you are going to fish for as much detail as possible about the couple who are going through it so you can share the findings far and wide, and you are going to be judgemental and sarcastic as to their motives and circumstances, because it makes for entertaining conversation.
No surprise then that generally people tend to delay the decision as long as possible, avoid talking openly about it, tend to carry its emotional burden in silence, and tend to stay guarded so they can protect themselves from insensitive eyes and ears.
If this is the environment you were raised in, I hear you. It is one of the effects of 'what would the village think?' when we choose to live our life in the way we need to and when it does not agree with the expectations, standards, or understandings of our neighbour who is not in a position to process something different at this point.
Thankfully, professionals who have worked in the field for decades, from lawyers to social scientists to therapists, recently to coaches, and the people themselves who have gone through the divorce, at least in the UK, have been able to redefine what divorce is, what it means, and how we can live a full and fulfilling life even after separation, as we leave its burden behind.
As Constance Ahrons, PhD, who developed the concept of binuclear family in reference to single people with children who come together past the date of their respective divorces says, "Divorce is normal. Divorce is not deviant, therefore, you are not deviant, nor are you a failure. Like most other people in the same situation, you will love - and be loved - again" and that even though the initial stages of divorce can be incredibly hurtful, recognising this can help a person remember that what they are going through will pass, and that by acknowledging their feelings, it will be easier to move on.
To watch my YouTube interview on Handling Your Post-Divorce Life as interviewed by Ceri Griffins, Financial Planner, you can click here.
If you are contemplating divorce and would like to go through it with external professional, I offer a FREE 45min Clarity Session to help create clarity and a plan of action. The best way to connect is by sending me a direct message via constantina@thelantern.uk or signing up directly via http://TheLantern.as.me/relationships
Constantina Stamou
Constantina Stamou is a certified Life & Relationship Coach, has trained with the Robbins-Madanes coaching school and Strategic Intervention, is an NLP Master Practitioner, has attended Tony Robbins’ Business Mastery, and has a PhD in how we change the way we put sentences together as we grow older. Her work experience includes university tutoring, charity research, and entrepreneurship which has so far translated into the TNT Dance Salsa Club in London, her Reformer Pilates Studio at Kensington Olympia, London, and The Lantern.