"I Don't Have Time! (To Date My Partner!)"
A number of conversations I had recently about relationships centred around the idea of dating one's partner past the honey moon period, but when the question was 'do you date your partner? how do you do it?", the response was along the lines of "I don't have time / It's very hard to find the time / I struggle with time".
It did not really click for me until I started writing these words to you. Essentially a person was saying they don't have time to spend with their partner.
Yes, of course, there are very many other angles to this which I am not focusing on, like the level of responsibilities, work commitments, levels of fatigue, illness, deadlines, etc. I am not disputing any of this.
I am, however, highlighting the gap such set of responses brings up to the surface, that somewhere somehow along the way, spending time with one's partner was downgraded, it is not a priority anymore.
All good, and not an issue, if it is for a little while.
But if the priority remains downgraded and not caught in time, over months and years (as I am sure you are aware that it happens), the couple turns around one day and realise it is hard to spend time just with each other again and talk about anything else apart from work or children or household management, if they have been fortunate to share these parts of their life.
It makes sense, they have forgotten how!
Not to mention how for a lot of couples it feels scary to take the first step towards connection after such a long time, and it's understandable, they would need to be showing up vulnerable again, risking rejection, some awkwardness, and attempting to connect with their person who is and is not the same anymore.
It's a lot to manage emotionally, and it takes effort, patience and commitment to shift things towards feeling like a couple again.
But here is your gentle Monday reminder - If your relationship is experiencing this gap, perhaps it is time to consider closing it.
Perhaps it is time to consider dating your partner once more, and perhaps finding the right way for you to do this will be key.
After all, the quality of your relationship in the future depends on it.
If you are struggling to find time in your relationship and would like to benefit from professional support, you can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Constantina Stamou is a certified Life & Relationship Coach, has trained with the Robbins-Madanes coaching school and Strategic Intervention, is an NLP Master Practitioner, has attended Tony Robbins’ Business Mastery, and has a PhD in how we change the way we put sentences together as we grow older. Her work experience includes university tutoring, charity research, and entrepreneurship which has so far translated into the TNT Dance Salsa Club in London, her Reformer Pilates Studio at Kensington Olympia, London, and The Lantern.