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  • Writer's pictureConstantina Stamou

Leaders of Ourselves

Updated: Sep 13, 2019

"Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behaviour."

I posted on Instagram earlier today this inspiring quote by one of my favourite

authors, Brene Brown, commenting how her work is bringing valuable insights into the

business world, insights powerful enough to shift the conversation towards creating

positive and supportive environments that encourage tough conversations with heart

which respect and value the needs of the human, versus environments which foster tension, misunderstandings, hostility, and difficult working relationships.

It is true, we do not stop being people when we are at work, and we do not really

leave our feelings outside the door. We may be able to mask them, or ignore them, or

crash them, but, as it happens, feelings always find a way out, spilling through our

words, our bodies, our unconscious behaviour, onto the office floor and into the quality (or lack of) of our work.

But as I was looking at those words, I couldn't help thinking how much they apply to

our personal lives too. If we were to see ourselves as leaders of ourselves through

which others see us as leaders of many, when we do not invest time to attend to our

fears and feelings, we too squander much more time trying to manage behaviours we

have no clarity on, making decisions which in reality are holding us back, observing

ourselves having unconscious reactions we do not fully comprehend, as opposed to

thoughtful responses.

So what if, similarly to the leader who would take time to have this conversation

with his team member, we were to take the time to have our own conversation with ourselves? To take stock of the day, to assess the hesitation and fear of the moment, to be

curious and to ask why? Do you value giving yourself that opportunity and space? If

not, why not? Do you believe, like many people do, that we just need to keep going,

we just need to keep working, we just need to keep pushing, to keep repeating the

same cycles, that they will somehow resolve themselves on their own?

It's challenging to look at our personal struggles in the eyes and say, "hey, I would

like to get to know you, as when I do, I know I will be able to help you". It can be

overwhelming, and fearful in itself. But it is also the birth place of compassion, of

connection with ourselves, of deep understanding, and of a different kind of

commitment. It's self-care of a different, much worthy, kind.

So what do you say? Shall we give it a try?

If you are struggling to stir yourself towards the direction you deeply desire and would like to benefit from professional support, you can reach me at

Constantina Stamou

Constantina Stamou is a certified Strategic Intervention Coach, has trained with the Robbins-Madanes coaching school, is an NLP Master Practitioner, has attended Tony Robbins’ Business Mastery, and has a PhD in how we change the way we put sentences together as we grow older. Her work experience includes tutoring at her university, working for a charity, and entrepreneurship which has so far translated into the TNT Dance Salsa Club in London and her own Reformer Pilates Studio at Kensington Olympia, London, where she had the pleasure of working with her team of four teachers.

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